Phases of Friendship

It is surprising to learn how easily you can lose in touch with someone so dear to you.. This usually happens with your close friends from school, college, workplace etc.. You often make an attempt to stay in touch initially but eventually the interest to take that extra step fades away and all you are left with is a bundle of memories.. And perhaps, that is alright because you have moved onto a different phase and you should, after all, look forward to new situations, challenges and different people to take out time for.

However, this is not the case with everyone. Sometimes, people stay back in your life. You rely on them forever, wherever they are. If I look back into my life, I have had so many friends at different phases of my life.. But there are only a handful of them, who I can talk to when I am sad/ happy/ bored/ confused/ terrified. And I am glad that these are only a few... because it is not easy to show your true self to everyone and frankly, why would you?

I was talking to a friend of mine other day. I met with her when I was 17 (in a shared auto) and we became friends almost within a week. We have seen troughs and crests of our lives together and accepted our friendship through these times. She lives in the US and I live in the UK. And last I met with her 4 years ago. But whenever we talk, it feels like distance hardly matters. Our gossips never end - boy friends (now husbands), marriage, parents, relatives, jobs etc. Striking a conversation has never been an effort. She desperately calls me when she needs to make a decision and I eagerly take her advice for anything new that I embark on. I honestly cherish our friendship and undoubtedly this will flourish for all the times to come :-)

And there have been times when you have to let go a few friends - different ideologies, different aspirations, misunderstandings etc. But when one door closes the other opens and life moves on. So no regrets. 

I genuinely believe that a relationship can not survive if there is no friendship in it. In these crazy, loud and busy times, peace is something everyone is on a mission to fulfill. According to me, strength of a relationship can be scaled when you are able to pull off a situation without getting frustrated or irritated or annoyed in absolute silence in each other's presence. This is crucial because it creates an invisible aura of care and security between the two leading up to peace. There is a complete understanding between the two souls without uttering a word (it is a different thing that my husband wants silence to check out 9gag and twitter :-P).

You may not be able to share 100% of your true life with anyone. Each person is different and there would be some grace % which is solely for yourself and  that is to be respected. After all, we are individual human beings and we are allowed to have our own space (could be dark, mystic, weird or crazy traits :-D). 

Its funny sometimes how you become friends - a friend's friend who you bumped into at a boring party, two confused souls in a college exchange program, social networking (orkut, hi5, facebook), discussing boring books like "the monk who sold his Ferrari", some silly thought leadership sessions because your dad assumed you had nothing better to do in life, because you both are born on Fools Day, because you both are major biryani lovers etc. As they say, no friendship is an accident. It is the hardest thing to be explained because its not taught but can only be felt. There is a reason why you are together and the quote below nicely sums it up -- 

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "what! you too? I thought I was the only one!"


khushi said...

Is it just a coincidence that this post on Friendship is coming a few days ahead of Friendships Day ? ;)
Jokes apart, its a simple thing, people grow apart with time, if same efforts are not put by both.

Having said that, i still feel, it doesn't matter how frequently two speak, what matters is, if the warmth in relation exists, then frequency is immaterial. I have a few friends with whom i speak only twice a year ie the birthdays (luckily we dont share our birthdays hence twice else it would have been once a year :P ) , but whenever we speak we start from where we left last time, and we catch up for the last six months! The distance in time and miles just dont matter as the warmth in relation still exists!

Soumya said...

The last statement - it's very true :-)

khushi said...

Re-reading this post of yours makes me realize that we have not met even once since we became friends!
So, to conclude, forget about frequency of meeting people, you can be friends even if you have not met ever! This reminds me of a concept called pen-friends which i used to hear a lot while i was a kid. I could never cherish the idea of having a pen-friend and today i have one ! :D

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